Transitive Verbs
by Sakanda
Summary: The thing that frightens L the most about himself is probably the one element that people would venture to call normal: his emotions. Shounenai L


**Title:** Transitive Verbs

**Author:** Sakanda

**Fandom:** Death Note

**Pairing:** Onesided(?) LxLight

**Rating:** PG _Because we all sure do want a parent looking over our shoulder while we read this :D_

**Genre: **Fluff(ish), Romanceeeeee (maybe)

**Warnings:** Your face! (oh snap)

**Notes:** Okay ah, let's just say, not really a timeline for this, but most likely takes place during the whole, 'zomg handcuffs&I don't remember I'm Kira!' period. Raito might seem OOC to the MAX YO until you remember this is "durr what who kira" period. I'm writing this after not having read the manga for a while, xD so I hope nothing's too wacked out. Touched up, some.

Also you have no idea how hard it was for me not to name this 'Percentage of LOVE' xDD

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_**In syntax, a transitive verb is a verb that requires both a direct subject and one or more objects.**_

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"_The feeling isn't there anymore?" I inquired._

"_That's right," he reaffirmed. "What do you suggest?"_

"_Love her." I replied._

"_I told you, the feeling of love just isn't there anymore."_

"_Love her."_

"_You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."_

"_Then love her. If the feeling isn't there that's a good reason to love her."_

"_But how do you love when you don't love?"_

"_My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love - the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"- __Rebecca Ross_

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**Transitive Verbs**

Sometimes, L is frightened of himself.

There are moments throughout his day in which he takes the time to stop and examine the identity known as L.

He recognizes that he is weird, and not just in appearance; with his hair in disarray, his formless clothes hanging off his lanky form, and his ringed and shadowed eyes - but also in his notions; everything down to percentages, with suspicion and paranoia lining his every decision - as well as his manner; his need to hold things by his fingertips, the way he sits or gestures, his almost outright refusal to wear shoes.

He knows that other people, even those close to him, still harbor a slight wariness that he can sympathize with. He can understand why some might mistrust him, or dislike him, or even hate him - though honestly, he doesn't worry all that much about it, since in normal circumstances he secludes himself from the outside world.

But his level of peculiarities isn't what bothers him - scares him. Nor is it his obsession with sweets or justice or Kira.

The thing that frightens L most about himself is probably the one element that people would venture to call normal: his emotions.

They're things that he can't control no matter his preparations, things he can't predict, no matter his foresight and provisions. And despite any attempt to anticipate them, they always manage to sneak up and ambush him, derail his train of thoughts, force him to reconsider factors that have no relevance whatsoever to the Kira case. They make no sense - have no logic - and so, L is at a lost about what to do with them.

In fact, he's terrified about what to do with them, or what they might make him do.

"Ryuzaki." He looks up, startled out of his thoughts by Light's voice. He removes his thumb from his lips, its tip moisten and wrinkled from the abuse. Light is looking at him strangely, with a familiar emotion L can't seem to label shimmering in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

L turns away from Light, his face outlined by the dull glow of the monitor. _It's worry - he's worried, _he thinks, and his chest aches suddenly, slightly - a small pinprick of pain that feels oddly _right_, despite its unfamiliarity.

He clears his throat hastily, and acts like he is immersed in his work, because really, this is just Light-kun, this is just (maybe) Kira, so why should it matter if he's worried about L? _Does it lower his percentage of suspicion?_

"I'm fine."

Light is still looking at him that way, unconvinced, and L can see him raise his eyebrows out of the corner of his eye. "Are you sure? You were... mumbling aloud to yourself." He quirks an eyebrow. "I've never seen you do that before."

L nods, his face still turned away from the other man, and he's not blushing, because L doesn't blush, and even if he did blush, there's no reason he would be doing it right now - he's just really interested in what this computer is front of him has to say. Er, show.

"I'm fine," he says again, his voice leveled and neutral and so typically _L_, even though he keeps thinking, _Worried worried he is worried he is worried_, and his mind helpfully supplies, _Worried - __**transitive verb**__ - 1: to feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled 2: to feel or experience concern or anxiety: FRET_

"All right, then." Light gives him a last, lingering look, those eyebrows furrowed, before turning back to his own computer.

L's throat feels tight, and he can hear his heart thudding loudly in his ears. It's ridiculous, but he's scared - frightened about what his emotions might make him do. He tries to push them aside, but they push back - they won't let him focus, or forget Light's tone, or let him stop thinking, _He was worried - __**concerned**_.

He wants to say something, anything, but he doesn't trust himself. He wants to tell Light, that sometimes, when he's studying him, he's not just assessing if he's Kira, but just looking at him. He wants to admit that at night, when he's watching Light sleep, how much he has to struggle with himself not to reach out his hand and brush his fingers along his skin, seeing if it's as soft as it appears. He wants to stutter out that he's peeked at Light in the shower, multiple times, and how his dreams always seem to circulate, at some point or another, around those memories. He wants to scream out how jealous he gets of Misa, or how much it almost ...hurts when Light refuses one of his offered confections. He wants to whisper how much he thinks about Light, how much Light distracts him, or how frequently he wishes that, please God, don't let Light be Kira.

He wants to talk to him, he wants to tell him things, so many things, and he's scared, because emotions are such fickle and illogical and unpredictable things.

"Light-kun... I..." Light faces him again, that worry back on his face, and L refuses to look straight at him. "...I..." He closes his lips and tries to swallow, his dry mouth feeling like it's about to break apart. He's sure that if he was Kira, L's stuttering would be a win in Light's column, and he's scared, though not because of any chance he could be sitting in the same room as Kira - _18 percent _- but because he wants to say something, _anything, _but he just can't... He doesn't know what to...

"I'm fine," he says, still not making eye contact. There's a long silence, before he hears Light turn back to his work. L does so as well, slightly disappointed, and frustrated, and relieved, and soon the only sound in the room is the clacking coming from their keys.

After a while though, L doesn't hear any noises coming from Light's direction, and he glances over curiously.

Light's sitting stock still, with his hands hovering over the keyboard, his face blank with a faraway look in his eyes. Suddenly, he smiles. It's soft and gentle, and L's breath catches in his throat. Light's head remains facing the monitor, but his eyes cast over towards L.

"I don't... think you're weird." There's a pregnant pause, during which L holds his already caught breath, before Light's smile brightens, "At least, not too weird."

L blushes, well, not really, because L doesn't blush, but he does something very similar to a blush, before quickly whipping his head around to face his own computer.

He hears Light chuckle, and a soft, heartfelt 'thank you' dies before it can leave his lips, as his face grows even hotter.

_fin_

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_A/N:_ Thoughts? Comments? Any feedback is highly appreciated! Also lawl I totes made up the percentage out of no where, having no idea what the general Kira percentage was when Light lost his memories. I how it wasn't totally off haha


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